A-well I met this guy sometime last May
I heard he was hung and a machine gun
lay But I musta been drunk, I musta been busy
Musta been watchin’ tapes of old MacGuyver or
Richard Bey IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS MATRIMONY
YOU BETTER BAG THE BAD TUX AND JUST RIDE MY PONY
AND ALL YOU BAD FUCKS OUT THERE DON’T YOU TRY
TO BONE ME I ONLY WANTED A PIECE OF THAT FRIED
BALONEY-ONEY FIRST I DID SOME JUMPING JACKS
AND I SAW IT IN HIS PANTS HE SAID “DAMN
I LIKE YOUR RACK--I MEAN, YOU CAN REALLY DANCE!!!!”
BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE RUNNING MAN I THOUGHT
THAT HE MIGHT BE GETTING SOFT THEN HE PICKED UP
THE PHONE AND SAID “HEY! THE WEDDING’S OFF!!!”
And so that guy I had just met last May He saw my camel toe
then canceled his wedding day In a leotard made
of the finest gold lame At his bachelor party guess
who popped right outta the cake? (Repeat chorus)
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