Lemme tell you a little story about a man named Johnny Tarr
He was a hard drinking son of a preacher, always at the bar
Lager from the tap or shots of Paddy from the shelf
He could open his throttle and throw backa bottl as quickas the devil himself ... Johnny Tarr!
Word got around that Johnny Tarr was no pretender,
From Clare to here they'd lock up the beer when Johnny went on a bender
Down at Dickey Mack's, the Rising Sun, or at the Swan
If he was drinking at seven by ten to eleven well all the booze woulb be gone! Johnny Tarr!
Even if you say it yourself, you wouldn't believe,
And I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you
I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi
I heard it from a man who knows a fell who says it's true!
It was nine in the morning on a cold rainy night,
Johnny rolled into the Castle Bar, looking to get tight
He had money in his pocket, he had whiskey in his eye,
He said: Get up off your asses and set up the glasses, I'm drinking this place dry!
Now all the serious boozers, they were soon broken hearted
When Johnny finished off six and he was only getting started
Guzzling down the pints, knockin' em back like candy,
He was lookin' alright to be drinkin' all night, then Nora brought out the Brandy! Johnny Tarr!
Even if you say it yourself, you wouldn't believe,
And I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you
I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi
I heard it from a man who knows a fell who says it's true!
Johnny drank the whole damn bottle, had another pint or two,
When it made no impression he started his session with Murphy's Millenium Brew
He was waiting for a pint when his face turned green
Jesus, Johnny fell down after only fifteen!
You could have heard a pin drop, then the crowd let out a roar
It took five cork women to lift Johnny off the floor!
The doctor looked him over and said you better call the hearse:
but it's not what you're thinkin' it wasn't the drinkin' this man died of thirst
Even if you say it yourself, you wouldn't believe,
And I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you
I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi
I heard it from a man who knows a fell who says it's true!
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